There was a recent letter of the editor of the Daily Princetonian about finding a man while you’re in college. It’s received quite a buzz and even had Star Jones and Dr. Nancy Snyderman in quite a heated debate on “Today’s Professionals” segment on the Today Show.
I can’t say this is a touchy subject for me because I’m very happy with the decisions I’ve made and path my life has taken but it is a subject that’s come up more than once in my life in recent years. I’d like to take a moment to weigh in my opinion about her opinion. By no means is this advice to anyone because your life isn’t the same as mine. This is just my opinion based on the course my life has taken.
First, I appreciate the brevity of her letter. I hope to be as brief but we all know I’m long winded so read as much as you can muster.
There are quite a few points I agree with –
“Men regularly marry women who are younger, less intelligent, less educated.”
“Smart women can’t (shouldn’t) marry men who aren’t at least their intellectual equal.” (I agree with this in part.)
“once you graduate, you will meet men who are your intellectual equal — just not that many of them.”
“But ultimately, it will frustrate you to be with a man who just isn’t as smart as you.” (OH MY GOSH, will it!!!)
I’m almost 40, single and currently finishing my Masters Degree. The next step is to find a Doctoral Program that suits my needs (I want to be a college professor at a University that has a strong music education program). Several years before I started the University application processes, I decided that I needed a change and I was willing to make a decision or accept a life change – either someone special would come into my life and I’d settle down to start a family or I’d go on to grad school and concentrate on my career. I was about 35 years old when I came to this decision. Although Brad had come into my life and I was willing to spend my life with him (this all happened after I’d decided to go the grad school route – I was willing to adjust decisions to accommodate life), our life together didn’t work out and we went our separate ways. It still makes me sad but I’ve become okay (kind of) with this. This is the way my life is supposed to be.
But let me tell you that it’s become more and more difficult to find someone special to share my life with as I’ve become older. I don’t particularly want a built-in family with a prospective relationship. I’d like to have time with him (whomever that may be) to spend by ourselves, to travel and to be able to have time apart as well. I think being able to be alone (or with our own friends without each other) is just as important as being together. I’m not opposed to the concept of marriage (although the prospect of divorce scares me terribly) but I don’t feel the need for the big wedding ceremony. I just want to have the freedom to shout about my love for whomever I’m with from any rooftop I can get up on.
I had some wonderful relationships that didn’t end well as an undergrad. I wasn’t ready for a long term relationship then. To force one would have ended in divorce (remember my fear of them?) and ultimately the wrong path for me.
I guess if I had to give any advice about this, I’d have to say, don’t force it. Don’t expect (publicly) an engagement ring because you think “it’s time”. The time will come when it’s really time. If you force it, you will only end up unhappy – if you have kids, they will be unhappy. Life YOUR life, not the life someone has said you should live.
Love you, mean it!
…as a free weekend when you’re in grad school! Here’s what’s due on Monday:
20th Century Music History:
- 1964 Timeline - DONE!
- 1965 Timeline - DONE!
- Copland composer report - DONE!
- Create 2 test questions - DONE!
- Read pgs 50-137 - In progress.
- Bibliography (so far) - DONE!
- Paper Outline - DONE!
I also have to have ready:
- Lesson plan for Mr. McInturf’s “How To Be A Band Director” class (I’m teaching them about Charms on Monday). - DONE!
- Lesson plan for Wind Ensemble rehearsal, which includes more score study, of course. - DONE!(can score study ever actually be “done”?)
Personally, I need to do:
- Laundry - DONE!
- Vacuum (it’s getting too hairy on the floors, thanks Clipford)
- Clean kitchen & grocery shop
And if the weather clears up a bit, I’d like to swim both Saturday & Sunday. Easy weekend, don’t ya think? Okay, gotta go!!
Love you, mean it!
It’s taken me a year to figure out how I can incorporate the University pool hours into my daily schedule. They’re only open from noon until early evening (6 or 8pm) and being a grad student, those have been the hours I’m most busy most days of the week.
This summer, I did a lot of sitting. Mind you, I was researching, studying scores, attending symposia, etc. but all of it came with a lot of sitting. So as soon as the university pool became open to students registered for the Fall Semester, I was there – everyday!! I started out by only being able to swim 10 laps. It’s a 25 yard length pool so a lap is 50 yards and 10 laps is 500 yards. Not bad for not having swum in pretty much a full year. By the end of the two weeks I had before summer band started, I was up to swimming 25 laps or 1250 yards! (10 more laps and it would be right around a mile.)
So now that school has started, I’m only swimming twice a week. But they’re scheduled times on my calendar and I try treat those times like it’s a class. I have to admit that the last two weeks I didn’t swim on Friday afternoon but it was because I had work for school I had to take care of to make deadlines without running out of time. But hopefully, that isn’t a pattern. I think I may try to add in swimming on Sunday but with that being the only day I have completely to do chores and research and such, that may not happen as I’d like with the limited hours of the university pool.
Regardless, I’m happy when I’m swimming. I feel so graceful and powerful and at peace all at once. It helps me clear my head find a moment of peace. When is that a bad thing?
Love you, mean it!
I gained weight at the beginning of this summer (for me this year. started around April 30). I didn’t realize HOW MUCH I sit until summer started and I didn’t have to walk around campus every day. I guess I what I really didn’t realize is how much I walk around campus all week. So I’ve been trying to do something active through the week as possible starting in June. Mostly, it’s been walking the dog around the neighborhood next to my house. If we go the whole neighborhood, it’s about 2.75 miles, up and down hills. It takes us about 35 minutes so that’s a pretty good pace.
Today, we only walked half the neighborhood because I wanted to do my Power Yoga video. It’s a deceptively good workout because you’re feeling calm and relaxed but later in the day, you realize ol’ Rodney Yee really helped you get moving. I am sore by the afternoon whenever I do it. I only get about halfway through it because I’m not quite limber enough for the backbends and such towards the end. Well, I put the video in and it starts skipping ahead during the workout. I looked at the disk and a few fingerprints but no scratches. I cleaned off the disk and put it back in only for it to just stop playing all together. Boo!
I remembered I had these magazine workouts I’d cut out recently, once called, “The All-New Muffin-Top Workout” from the June 2012 issue of Glamour (page 128). Okay, let’s give it a go. WOW, it’s a workout for your abs and mid-section! I feel good enough that I have no desire to slouch as I want to continue to feel the burn as I type this blog entry. That one is definitely a keeper. You just need some floor space for 3 of the 4 moves and either two 5 pound weights or a jug with liquid in it that weighs about 10 pounds. You’re sitting for that move.
Next workout might be from the August 2001 issue of Better Homes and Gardens (page 182). Not sure when or where I pulled this workout but I found it in a bag recently. Maybe it was from my dentists office….
This summer has been my busiest summer in quite a while. Last month, I attended the University of North Texas Conducting Collegium for two weeks (4 sessions). It was such an amazing experience and I was fortunate to meet so many wonderful people (shout out to the Peanut Gallery!!!). There were 44 pieces and there was something enjoyable about almost every one of them.
The purpose of the Collegium is multi-fold. If you’re a conductor, you gain the experience of conducting the UNT Wind Symphony while getting feedback from the fantastic faculty, learn a great piece that you (hopefully) enjoy and if you’re planning on applying to UNT for an advanced degree, it’s a pre-audition of sorts. The pieces that are assigned for the Collegium are the pieces to appear in the next (9th this year) volume of Teaching Music through Performance in Band series, published by GIA. Directly after the Collegium, the Wind Symphony and staff worked an extra week to record all the pieces for the CDs that goes with Volume 9 and now, the staff is working on the CD edits. The participants in the Collegium are basically rehearsal conductors for the recording session. Pretty cool honor, huh? (But that’s not the big honor this entry’s title refers to.)
The piece I conducted was Celebration, by Joseph Turrin, and it is a great piece to open a concert with! It’s a Grade 3 piece but it doesn’t mean its easy. It’s available via C Alan Publications.
So, the big news – during the Collegium, they replaced a piece that was obviously too difficult to be considered a Grade 3 (this year’s music was all Grade 2 & Grade 3) once they ran through the piece. Every piece that is on the CDs has a Study Guide in the book written for it so one needed to be written for the replacement piece and Professor Corporon asked me to write the Study Guide. Yes folks, I’m about to be PUBLISHED!!! And it’s such an honor that of everyone that was there, he asked me.
I’m writing about Akatonbo by Joseph Spaniola. It’s published by Musica Propria. It is a beautiful piece and we read it several times with the Stony Point Concert Band but it never quite worked for their UIL program. I’ve also been excited that it’s a western interpretation of a Japanese folk song. Talk about fitting me to a T! There are very strict guidelines from GIA on how it should be written but they include a template to work from which helps so much. I’m almost done with the writing part. I just have a few questions (which, of course, may lead to more questions) to get answered by Dr. Spaniola. Speaking of the composer, I’m so blessed that he’s been so kind and helpful in this process. They asked me to write the study guide in about 2 weeks (everyone else had about 3 months) and having access to him has been a Godsend!
Hardest part about writing for me is writing formally and not writing in circles. I’ve always had issues with that so editing takes a village. Thankfully, I have a few people who have offered to help. It’s about time to send them a draft. Anywho, I just had to take a break from all my researching and writing I keep Tweeting about share this exciting news!
Love you, mean it!