Author: Benford

A married couple was on vacation in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods when they passed this small sandal shop.

From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, “You! Foreigners! Come in, come into my humble shop.” So the married couple walked in.

The Jamaican said to them, “I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. They make you wild at sex.”

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn’t need them, being the sex god he was.

The husband asked the man, “How could sandals make you into a sex freak?”
The Jamaican replied, “Just try them on.”

Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn’t seen in many years!

In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican’s hips.

The Jamaican then began screaming; “YOU GOT THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!!!”

Tonight, a few folks from work and I (and a few others) decided to celebrate the end of the school year by going out for sushi. Yummy evening. Told some jokes, stories about this and that, talked about summer plans. Good evening.

After dinner, Catrina (our Orchestra Director) and I stood in the parking lot and talked a little about tomorrow. There are still a few things we need to do before the whole school year can be “said and done”. The Full Orchestra (strings, winds and percussion) is performing at graduation tomorrow and she needs a few extra folks on percussion parts. Our percussionists aren’t quite mature enough to handle the parts (and the ones that are musically mature enough are graduating) so Brian (our Head Band Director) & I are helping Matt (the percussion instructor). So, I need some concert black clothes that I can run around back in the percussion section in. Thanks to the last few weeks of stress, I’m sure I don’t fit into any pants I own and I know I don’t have a top that’s all black so I stop off at Kohl’s.

After I find the few things that fit alright and are modest enough for high school graduation (yeah, the Daisy Fuentes line isn’t gonna work), I head to the register. The pants are probably $12-$15 more than I was looking to spend but I figure I can 1.) write it off and 2.) wear it several times again so I go ahead and take them. When I roll up to the guy at the register, I casually joke, “Any discounts you know of that you can throw my way?” He jokingly asks me if I’m a senior citizen because it’s senior’s day at Kohls.. “Uhm, no. But my folks are old enough…does that count?” I reply. “Can you drag them over here?” he jests. “Uhm, no.” I reply. “You wanna go find an old person in the store that can act as your parents?” We both looked around and didn’t see any so he offers the credit card offer — “Regardless of if you get approved or denied, I’ll still give you 20% off.” That is about $13 off the total so I’m thinking, “Okay, what’s another hit on the ol’ credit?”

We go through the process and he says, “Miss Benford, congratulations, you’ve been approved for a Kohl’s credit line of $1500.00.” I about fell down! I was in college for 8 years straight FULL TIME (yes, only for one degree *sighs*). My credit SUCKS. I could understand maybe $500 or something small but $15000.00? It’s a good thing I rarely find things there that I like. Except shoes. They always have quite a few pairs I could see in my closet.

So, anyways, that’s my story for today. Hope you enjoyed it. Len’s got a better one he BETTER blog about.
~B