Category: Funnies

Phone sex?

So, I haven’t posted much lately. I’ve been quite busy with band stuff (go figure) but I got this joke 3 times today and it’s just too funny not to share. Enjoy. 😉

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

“In honor of this holy season” Saint Peter said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said.
“You may pass through the pearly gates” Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.”
Saint Peter said “You may pass through the pearly gates.”

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”
The man replied, “These are Carols.”

And So The Holiday Season Begins…

Did I mention that I had a break through in Chiclet’s “racism”? 😉 So cute!

Stuff has been happening…man, have I been busy! Lots of pics to post and have been posted in the Gallery. I’m feeling much better now that I got some rest last week. Can’t wait for this 5 day Thanksgiving holiday!!! Maybe I can post a real update or at least some pictures then. For the mean time, I leave you with this quite funny story that comes thanks to my friend Sarah.

Loan Application

“Priceless” is the correct term for this lawyer’s eloquence and logic! In case you missed this, it is priceless!!! In case you don’t understand, I’ll explain it.

New Orleans residents are challenged often with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years. With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, making it quite difficult to establish ownership.

Here’s a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client that I thought was absolutely priceless!!!

You’ve gotta love this lawyer……. it’s too good not to share!

____________________

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.

(Actual letter): “Upon review of your letter adjoining your client’s loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.”

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows: (Actual letter): “Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S. , from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U S ownership was obtained from France , which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain . The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus ‘ expedition.

Now the Pope, as I’m sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana .

God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God’s original claim to be satisfactory.

Now, may we have our loan?”

The loan was approved.

I did this as an “add on” Bulletin on MySpace (yeah, yeah, hush!) but more than the first “need” was fun so here they are:

Cathy needs a wheelchair.
I joke about being old but c’mon!

Cathy needs a Ride,
I did on Friday. My car was at the shop and thank goodness it only cost $120 to get it back!

Cathy needs to first buy the t-shirt, and then let the print house print the picture on it.
If you say so.

Cathy needs TLC.
You said it!

Cathy needs to punch up her strip with poop and pedophile jokes.
Wow…I have no idea what to say about this.

Cathy needs no introduction.
And I’ll leave you with that!

What do you need? Type “your name needs” in the search box of Google and see what comes back!