Two week recap

The last two weeks have been quite fun. Work has been fairly normal but I’ve been out and about a bit lately. I guess we start with two weeks ago when I went to the Tx State football game. Skip & I went, hung out for the first time in forever and the Bobcats WON!!! From there, I went to San Antonio (not planned) for the Bands of America Super Regionals to watch Sami march her last BOA and they came in 2nd place! Very successful and fun day.

Sunday, I went with Allison and her family to see Movin’ Out. What a wonderful display of how music and dance can tell so much of a story. None of the dancers spoke and the entire story was told through Billy Joel’s hits and the dancing, which was choreographed by Twyla Tharp. I love musicals!!

From there, the week continued with normal work stuff and on Thursday, I went to the UT Wind Ensemble concert. It was WONDERFUL!! Right now, the UT Wind Ensemble is a world class performing group and they are premiering new pieces as well as performing classics and everything in between and it is all so well done. It was also cool because I saw several people I hadn’t seen in a while. We went to Chuy’s on campus and had some food and drinks and caught up. I also got to meet some new folks as well. Always a good time.

Saturday, more football! From someone that doesn’t much care for football, I sure have been voluntarily going to quite a few football games. But this one was different. I went to the UT vs. Kansas game to see old friends and surprise them. My college band director is now working at the University of Kansas as the Director of Athletic Bands and he was bringing his band to the game. What is even more cool is that his wife is on staff with the band and now his son, who I used to babysit when he was 5, is now 18 and marching baritone in the Jayhawk Band!! I saw him for a smidge this summer but really didn’t get a chance to chat with him. When I first met the Hudsons, I was 19 and marching in the college band at SWT. Now, he’s 18 and marching in the college band at KU! What a wonderful time watching him grow up. When the Hudsons left Texas, Aaron was just starting high school and I wasn’t getting to see him much. I was already working in Round Rock and didn’t have a lot of time to come to San Marcos. When I saw him on that Saturday, it was so wonderful for both of us. I watched them rehearse and then got to sit with the band at the game. Hearing Hudson’s voice, having Denise on the sideline and the music just took me right back to my old college days.

The Thursday before this, when I met some new folks at Trudy’s, one of them happened to be Dr. John Lynch, the Director of Bands at KU. I talked to him for a bit at the game about going to study conducting with him and he seems like someone I could study with. I’m keeping my options open on where I go still, though. It’s still a good 4 or 5 years in my future, I think.

So after all that, I started to get sick. I think all the ups and downs on this fall finally just caught up with me. I stayed home on Tuesday & Wednesday this week and really didn’t do anything but sleep. I really needed it, I guess.

That brings us up to yesterday & today. Last night was the annual band lock-in. The kids had a lot of fun and I mostly hung out with the parents in the cafeteria and made due until about 2 am. That was when I finally went to find my Aerobed all ready to go in a quiet practice room and crashed out. I slept until 6am when it was time to start cleaning up. I’m so glad I slept! I came home and slept again and tonight, I get to hang ut with my best friend Cathy.

So that’s it. It all may not be normal, but it’s all mine, right?

Crazy Weather

Cold

Can you believe this weather? Two days ago, it was over 85 degrees, at 7:00 in the evening! Today, it’s 46 degrees. It’s about damn time! Watch it get warm tomorrow, since I’ll be better and back to going outside again.

Ick, I’m Sick

So I’ve been home sick again, yesterday and today. The cough I had last week finally turned into a horrible cough and then into green snot. Gross, I know but it’s true. I had a bit of fever yesterday & today as well. The headache has pretty much leveled off to a dull pain, mostly a sinus headache. Yesterday, I slept practically all day! I’d wake up for about 20-30 minutes (never more than an hour) at a time, then I would sleep for several hours. Before I knew it, it was 5pm!! I felt a lot better and thought I’d make it to work today. This morning, the achiness was back and so was the fever so I opted to stay home again today. Overall, I feel better than yesterday so we’ll see how it goes.

2 month check

*This post was started a few days ago and finished today; hence some of the disjunct thoughts*

I thought the break up was hard, and it certainly was. I’m thinking now that the recovery from all of this is much harder than the actual break up.

Over all, I’ve been quite busy. Not because I’ve kept myself busy but because life is really busy this time of year. When you’re busy, you have no time for all the emotions that hold you back from progress. Wait, I take that back. If you handle life one thing at a time, all emotions can be a part of progress. I guess I’ve been so wrapped up in my work and the immediate issues that the bigger things have been put on a back burner.

Now it’s getting to be about time to face them. I’m still hurting. My friends are wonderful but they have their own lives and have been very gracious to share their lives and families with me. My family has been wonderful with everything they’ve done to support everything I do. I’m enjoying spending all this time with them but don’t want to bother them with this still nagging feeling I have that things just aren’t right.

Today, I went to get a haircut. It’s been a few months since I’ve been and my hair stylist has become a wonderful friend over the time I’ve been going to her! We’re able to talk about so many things and she has a pretty good hold of who I am, even if we only see each other every so often. She is Japanese and has kids my age so I guess that helps. When I stopped by last week to make the appointment, she made the usual chit-chat with me and asked how my boyfriend was doing. Of course, I told her we had broken up, he had called me fat (the usual *gasp*) and that was it. We were through. Today, she wanted to know what had happened. From what I had said in the past to her, we were so happy and things seemed to be going so well. And I don’t think I was lying to her when I had told her those things. So, I went through and told her about how we had all of a sudden grown apart and it wasn’t working and she started telling me about how people aren’t always what they seem and it’s good that I had gotten to know him better before we fell in love. This is where the tears started (and even now as I write this). I had fallen in love with him from the get go. He didn’t seem like any of the other guys I’d dated before. He was kind and generous and loving. How could I not fall in love with that? And it didn’t work out. And really, I’m not sure why not. Yet, I feel heart broken and betrayed. There wasn’t another woman in his life yet I felt betrayed. I think that hurts more than being cheated on with another woman. How could I have not seen beyond this exterior?

I’m 32 years old. I guess some of this is my biological clock ticking. For a long time, I used to say that I didn’t want to have any kids. I taught enough of them, why did I want any of my own? I’m not sure of the answer to the “why” question but I think I do want kids of my own now. But it’s not just the kids. It’s the family I long for. I guess that’s why I’m a teacher. And not only a teacher but a band director. We very much have a family like atmosphere with the band kids and their families. It’s wonderful! But not enough for the long haul.

Then I think, “Would I want kids with him, now that I’ve seen this other side?” No. I don’t want anything to do with that person. I was saying today that I have no idea who the real person is. Is it the 35 year old man I met that I fell in love with? Or is it the 22 year old selfish frat boy that I broke up with? Some have said that maybe this is a phase (the 22 year old frat boy) and once college is done for good, this will pass. Am I willing to wait for that risk? I don’t think so.

I guess I’m looking for closure. Like everything else in life, this too will come when the time is right. Until then, I guess this pain and heartache will continue until it finally dulls out. That just sucks.