Category: A Better Me

It’s such a long story…

Why can’t I sort through my thoughts and write what I have to say? Probably because putting out what’s on my mind and in my heart right now is probably the most vulnerable thing I’ve ever done publically yet. It’s also one of the biggest risk I’ve taken. I’ve put a lot of things on the line before but very rarely my heart.

Okay, okay, so I know what’s bothering me. I just don’t know exactly how to put such a large part of my life on such a small thing like a blog. Cathy’s the only person that knows the specifics right now, and as this “thing” has developed over the years. That’s where I am. I’m confiding in my best friend and she’s been helping me sort through this so much. Without just telling me what I want to hear.

It’s a good thing that things at work are getting pretty busy right now. Keeps my mind off my heart and the history.

So Much to Say

I’m back to feeling like I have so much I want to get off my chest. I think the Dave Matthews Band expresses my thoughts pretty well for the most part. Thanks Dave!

So Much To Say Lyrics

I say my hell is the closet I’m stuck inside
can’t see the light
and my heaven is a nice house in the sky
I got central heating and I’m alright
yeah yeah yeah can’t see the light
keep it locked up inside don’t talk about it
t-t-talk about the weather
yeah yeah yeah
open up my head and let me out little baby
‘Cos here we have been standing for a long long time
can’t see the light
treading trodden trails for a long long time,
time, time, time, time, time, time

I find sometimes it’s easy to be myself
sometimes I find it’s better to be somebody else

I see you young and soft oh little baby
little feet, little feet, little hands little baby
one year of crying and the words creep up inside
creep into your mind yeah
so much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say
so much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say
‘Cos here we have been standing for a long long time
can’t see the light
treading trodden trails for a long long time………..

I find sometimes it’s easy to be myself
sometimes I find it’s better to be somebody else

so much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say ohh
so much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say
little baby ahh
so much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say
little feet little hands little baby
so much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say

open up my head and let me out little baby

*EDIT* Okay, so maybe just the first verse….

The anti-resolution

I’m not much for resolution. I think about 7 years ago, I resolved to never make a resolution again and I’ve done well keeping that one. 😉 Instead of making resolutions, which seem easily broken and not really taken seriously anymore, I’ve gone back to doing what my parents taught me to do at a very young age – set goals, both short term and long term. So, here is one of my goals for 2006:

Seems as if “balance” should be a key word for 2006. I’ve spent quite a bit of the 2nd half of 2005 looking for self balance. It’s so easy for some people to get wrapped up in one part of our lives or another. For brief moments, I find that that’s okay. In our overall life, however, we must find balance in order to live happily. I don’t want to get lost in the details or in the big picture. Find the balance.

Have a fantastic 2006! I can’t wait to see all of everyone’s accomplishments as we go. 🙂
~C

Just a thought.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I can’t be more glad that Cathy T is my absolute best friend. She knows me as well as I know myself. I can talk with her about anything and everything (even all at once) and she’s right there with me. I don’t know what I’d do without her in my life the last 10 years.

House Hunting and other good stuff

Well, the process has started. I’m house hunting!! I’ve decided that after all these years of living in an apartment, I’m done with it. I looked at about 5 houses today, just to get an idea of the market in Austin. I’m very lucky because my realtor is a band mom and one of the private lessons teachers’ wife is a loan officer for a mortgage company. I’m about all set in those aspects. Of the 5 houses I saw today, 2 were houses I could feel serious about purchasing. My goal date is May so I still have a while to get myself all set to buy.

On another note, school’s about done for the semester. It’s been a semester of ups and downs but when it’s all said and done, all is well. I have my health, family and friends. My students have earned the successes they’ve worked so hard for. I’ve also found the time to spend with people I care a lot about. My credit score is enough to help me get approved for a home loan. We’re starting a drum corps in Austin and it’s already successful. What else could I ask for? I know there are things but those things will come with time if they are to be a part of my life.